It’s just another birthday. That’s what I keep telling myself. As yet, there is something auspicious about the number 55 that bears reflection. Not that it HAS to have any special meaning, I just feel it and know it is connected to something that is hovering at the edge of my consciousness. I’m in the process of feeding the animals, making the coffee, my usual morning routine and what comes to me, oddly enough, is the image of the spool of thread I recently finished. A truly beloved spool of thread, if there ever is such a thing! It is thread I actually dyed myself in a workshop ten years ago (5+5=10), I remember being thrilled with the result, and the quantity produced. There is something just perfect in the weight, feel and variegated color of this thread that has continued to call to me all these years, and the shades blues, greens, and purples that have added a kind of shimmer and depth to each of the three quilts it has graced since. I was able to make three full spools of this thread from my dyeing exercise years ago, which has translated into countless hours of hand quilted stitches and I’ve been aware for the past month that I am rapidly approaching the end of the last spool.
I have to make sure I can finish the center of this quilt I am working on, there will be no other thread that can even come close to producing this effect and so each stitch now becomes even more present and precious as I am making it. And as I am stitching I catch myself reflecting on the fact that this is the last of the thread and feel the accompanying tug in my heart and knot forming in my core, the characteristic tension that signals an attachment and that it is time to let go…
So I finish my stitching without an inch to spare and big sigh, it is done. But am I really ‘done’? That’s it then, the feeling that something is done and it’s not just the quilt. And so to help bring to light what this might be I decide to check in with Google this morning and type ‘the number 55’ and pick the most likely candidate from the first page of results. It is a blog entry chronicling all the attributes and meanings associated with the number 55, everything from numerous references in the Bible to complex mathematical equations. At the end of the blog is a string of comments and I scan them quickly until my eyes fix on this,
“The number 55 usually means the stirring of things, change and letting go of the
things/situations/people who are not good for you or serve your life purpose any
longer. It is also about spiritual awakening.”
There’s nothing in this simple offering that I haven’t already considered and yet, my brain finally stops and I feel the truth rise up out of the knot that holds my heart in check. I tenderly gaze at the love that I just yesterday set a clear boundary with. It is a love that I have been distancing myself from for months now, only to realize the more I distance myself, the more attached I feel. Not unlike the creative space that opens now with the this last bit of thread winding off the spool, establishing a firm boundary and closure in love, makes space for the knot to loosen and allows me to begin to breathe fully again.
And, creates space for me too to enjoy all the wonderful birthday phone calls I have been receiving all morning! So blessed to be here at 55….