It is just starting to get light, almost time to go rouse Ben for school, and I have just let Yankee out. After yesterday’s episode of him taking off when I wasn’t at the door to let him in when he was ready, I feel the tension of needing to pay attention this morning. The tension releases and clears as I ‘surrender’ and sit down at the kitchen table with my perfect cup of morning coffee. I like my coffee black and very hot. Just brewed, I have made a pot of expresso with freshly ground organic fair trade beans, and when finished, combine a small amount of the rich fresh coffee with hot boiling water to create the perfect cup. I realize now that sitting here, patiently waiting for Yankee, lets me truly savor each satisfying sip. I also have time to honor and savor the feeling of Yankee’s freedom. I am aware of his energy just outside, how he likes to roam the yard after doing his business, play with the bone he leaves right in the center of the yard, just BE outside while still in the circle of my attention. I usually rush this process with him, coaxing him in with the promise of a treat instead of just letting him do what he needs to do, allowing for his energy to flow in the way he needs it to flow. And of course, the trick is to be present when he is ready to come in, because if I am not ‘here’, if my attention is not right where he is, then he leaves….
Hmmmm….now on my up to see if Ben is awake, not a dissimilar process I realize! He needs time too in his transition between sleep and waking for energy to flow the way he needs it to! And once the process is in full motion, I wait for Ben to come down for breakfast. As he comes through the kitchen door the first thing he does is open his arms for a hug. This is pretty typical. And I usually end the hug quickly, saying I need to get breakfast ready or such…but now I am in the feeling of my time with Yankee this morning, I am AWARE. I realize I need to just stay in this hug with Ben until he is done, until HE is ready to let go. And it takes a long time. A very long time. I shift my weight and settle into the next level of surrender. It’s been awhile since I let myself be in a nourishing hug, one that allows me to be present for another and to receive at the same time. My heart is smiling as I remember the first time this happened years ago in the starkly quiet hall of the seminary building where I was receiving my energy medicine training, a clear and distinct experience of surrender, conscious presence, and ability to receive all wrapped up in a moment, how familiar this feels now being in Ben’s hug. After what seems like forever, Ben lets go and pulls away with an angelic smile on his face while looking straight into my eyes. Pure love. It doesn’t get any simpler than this….
P.S. LOL, I now remember when I went into Ben’s room this morning and he let me know he wasn’t ready to get up yet. He says to me, “Shhhh…. BELIEVE” and shows me that is holding in his hand the beautiful angel that he was gifted with the day before, a winged boy wearing an open collar shirt holding a sign that says ‘Believe’ right over his heart…
Still a bit sleepy and looking very somber I ask him in all seriousness what is it he ‘believes’ this morning and without missing a beat he says, “Selena Gomez”, and when I burst out laughing he smiles broadly, now fully awake, and swings his feet to the floor….